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Movin’ On UP

I have made some mistakes.  I have acknowledged them.  I have apologized. I will work on some things.

That is all I can do!

Well that, and keep an open heart and mind, and hopefully open lines of communication.

Closure.

Now it is time to move on.

Today I heard “One Hundred Years” by Blues Traveler.  Fitting I think.

Then I thought about my Dad a lot.

And then I got up because my little man was shrieking about Bob the Builder, and little girl was kicking the bejeesus out of my innards.

(Interesting Side Note: If you listen to Bob the Builder without looking at it – it sounds very soft core porn.  Every time it is on, I get the giggles.  Oh Bob!  Oh Wendy!)

And so, life moves on.

So, what can we talk about now?

Little tidbits…

Yesterday – I painted my son’s toenails orange.  We need Spring – SERIOUSLY.  I am running out of ideas to keep the poor child occupied.  And now – his toenails are orange.  Which means at some point I am gonna have to subject him to polish remover.  Whoops!  Didn’t think that one through so well.

Gestational Diabetes- I have gone 4 days with no high blood sugars. GO ME!

Little lassie – her room is pretty much, done?  I have to do some wall art, but nothing fancy.  I will take some pics. True confession – I even already have my hospital bag packed!  I just have this feeling she will come early – plus I am nesting like crazy.

Blog – I still cannot figure out how to add widgets, and how to easily change or resize fonts.  It is driving me a bit mad.

Pregnancy – I have LOST weight!  Thanks gestational diabetes diet! I called the Dr. a bit concerned, cause last pregnancy I had low fluid.  But they said it is quite common with the strict diet.   I am 26 pounds lighter than I was when I gave birth to N –  so let’s keep it that way shall we?

Weather – ARGH!  Cold!  Rain!  Grey!  Crappy!  Spring, where are you?

Hey – have you seen Eden’s latest post?  Clickity click. I love that broad.  My Aussie redhead.

I have been doing a LOT of cooking lately because of my special diet – so I have a lot of recipes to share.  Tonight is Caribbean Chicken and so far it is smelling pretty delish.

What is new with you all?

See how my pictures are all wonky?  I can’t figure out how to fix that!!

DARN YOU WordPress! *shakes fist*

 

Hello?

WordPress is hard y’all!

I am still trying to figure it all out – get my settings figured and my blog unwonky.

(First step?  Figuring out how to change this god awful font.  Help?)

Some posts on this blog will be password protected.  If you would like the password – feel free to e-mail me.  Tell me your name, your blog ID, how you found me, if I know you – etc.

Sorry to be all Get Smart Super Top Secret Agent – but, the time has come for me to be a bit more private.  Sometimes, social media causes a lot of messes, and I need to be more aware.

Stay tuned!

>I’m Too Sweet

>I have a lot of blues right now.  Loss of friendship blues, gaining weight blues, sciatica blues, lack of sleep blues, fear of 2 children blues, my toddler won’t eat blues.

But there is one set of blues that really has me down.

Wrote a song about it.  Wanna hear it?  Goes somethin’ like this….I got dem bluuuuuuuuuues baby, them gestational diabetes BLUUuuuueeees….. (remember what show that was?)

I am trying so so hard to eat exactly the way I should.  I obsess over every carb that passes my lips.  I faithfully test my blood after every meal.  I take meds at night to control my fasting levels.  I eat small high protein snacks.  I cook most meals at home.  I have given up fruit juice, coffee, sweets, big hunks of crusty bread…pretty much all my favorite stuff.

But my numbers are still creeping up here and there and it freaks me out.  I feel so guilty and horrible when I see a too-high number – like I am harming my little girl because I am too stupid to count carbs right.  Or I am weak and ate something I knew I probably shouldn’t – my own human selfishness.

Last night was a doozie – we were out, and ended up going to Pei Wei.  I thought I chose well – I got a shrimp dish, with plain shrimp instead of breaded.  I chose the sauce that had no mention of the word “sweet” – the ingredients looked safe.  Lots of green veggies.  I immediately boxed up most of my brown rice so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat it all.  It was a small portion.  I thought I did it right.

But.

As soon as I bit into it – it tasted sweet.  I knew it was too sweet, I knew it would be a problem.  It was obviously a sauce with a lot of hidden sugar.  But the kid was cranky – everyone was tired, the place was packed – I didn’t want to be a pain.  I didn’t want to be a pain and make everyone wait and delay our night just so I could grill the waitress on which sauce was safe for me to eat.  SO I ate the shrimp.  And I said “I have a bad feeling about this”.  BUT I still ate it.

An hour later my blood sugar was way too high.

And I lost it.

I cried all the way home. (which was a long drive – we were in another state visiting my Mom.)

I just sobbed.  For like 45 minutes.

I feel like an ass.  I KNEW I shouldn’t eat it, and I did anyway.  All I can picture is my little girl swimming and gagging in a sugar water pool… ingesting it, being harmed.  AUGH.  When I went in for my first diabetes management appointment – the Dr. said something along the lines of “It is so important to manage your diabetes, that keeps still birth rates way down.”

I am fucking haunted by that.

Still Birth.

STILL BIRTH.

Still birth, still birth, still birth, still birth, still birth.

Still birth.

I am just tired.  I am tired and beat down and sad.  Too much going on, too little sunshine, too little sleep, and no Girl Scout cookies.  Man, I want some Girl Scout cookies.
But mostly….
I want my little girl in my arms – safe and healthy.  I want her to be ok and here, with us – out of my toxic too-sweet tummy.

I’m over pregnancy.  I am grateful to BE pregnant but I HATE pregnancy. I guess I am having a bad week.

 

How Far Along? 28 Weeks
How I’m Feeling Overall: Tired.  Tired all the time.  Worried.  Worried all the time.
Maternity Clothes? Yes.  I am huge.
Stretch Marks? None. *knock on wood* 

Sleep? Horrible. Hip Pain is ridiculous – having some charlie horses, and mostly just can’t turn off my brain.

Best Moment of the Week? Little Man – he asked me “Momma, what in your boobs?  Water?” and I said “No honey, when your little sister comes, they will have milk for her to drink” – and he said
“oh, den little sister will lay on pillow to nursie and drink your boobs just like me!!”

LIKE HE REMEMBERED!  He always lay on a pillow to nurse, and I think he remembers and that just made me so happy. 

Movement? Yes, I get a lot of pokes and swooshes and wallops – a lot of times down low, I think she is breech.  Just like her brother.

Food Cravings/Aversions? At this point – eating is a chore.  I want sweets still, and if I see one more egg I will die. 

Gender? GIRL!

What I miss? Not having to track every bite I take.  Sweets, coffee, bloody mary, CHOCOLATE CAKE.
What I’m looking forward to? Her being here.  OUT.  Alive.
Weekly Wisdom:  2 more months – you just have to hang in there for 2 more months.
Milestones: baby is the size of a Chinese cabbage, and supposedly can see light.  I think I should start shining a flashlight in there and telling ghost stories.

Emotions? Completely out of control.

_______

>Last Night’s Dinner…

>

Spinach Pie:
1 16 oz container 2% low fat cottage cheese
1 10 0z pkg frozen chopped spinach thawed and well drained
1 cup shredded low moisture Part Skim Mozzerella
4 eggs lightly beaten
1 7 oz jar roasted red peppers, well drained and chopped.
1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tsp. dried oregano

Mix all ingredients until well blended. Pour into greased 9 inch pie pan. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes or until top is golden and center is set.
So easy, and so yum!  Someone on FB also suggested slicing leftover baked potato to line the bottom of the pie pan.  I might try that next!

>my brain

>Befuddled Pictures, Images and Photos

Protected: >Oh, I am so going there.

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