>A letter to my innards.

>Dear Uterus,

Tomorrow, we shall visit our curly-haired, kind-eyed, cold-handed Dr. friend…and he will stick that pesky wand up where the ol’ sun don’t shine… to check on you.

Please forgive the pesky wand.
I know it is annoying.
However.

I am asking you, nicely, to please make sure your lining is up to snuff.
Thick, and cushy, and squishy, and full bodied.  Warm.  Welcoming.  Star-quality.
Think back to when we were young and fresh.  Yea, like that.

I know things have been a little difficult in there these days…what with the surgical tools (SCRAPE SCRAPE!), lupron, estrace, steroids, hives, massive amounts of oreos, vitamins…it has been a rough few months.  I give you that.

But now Utey (can I call you Utey?), now is the time to shine.

If your lining isn’t supastahhhh quality – well, it is gonna mess everything up.  If your lining doesn’t measure up to their finicky Dr. standards…this journey so far will be for nothin’.  Or, at least, will have to continue for another week…and man, I don’t know – these drugs are starting to wear on me.  Ya dig?

So, work with me here Utes.  Utessa.  Uter-uta-ding-dong.  The Ute-meister.

Lining needs to Thicken.  THICKEN.  I am talking THICK.  Like buttercream frosting on a birthday cake.  Like peanut butter.  Thickity thick.  Are you getting this?

If you do this right…you get a reward.  Big time.  In eight days Utey, something precious is due to be dropped off in you….something oh so very precious and magical.  An embryo.  You remember the last one?  Oh he sure did turn out fine, didn’t he?

We could have that again, you and I.
You just have do your part.

I tried to do my part.  I followed the schedule…I got some acupuncture from a bald yet strangely hot acupuncturist, I ate chocolate at your demands.  I stuck my tummy with needles, I never missed a pill, I napped when I could.  I lit a candle.  I gathered my good luck charms.
I prayed.
I hope I helped.

Now, help me.

Let’s do this.
Lets show those docs the finest version of you we can muster.
Let’s produce a lining so thick the Dr. will weep with joy.
Can you just see it?
Lets wow those bitches.
You can do it, Utes.  You got this. 
I am counting on you.

You need to create a lining so thick, no embryo could resist it.

Please?

Sincerely, and with love, 
Your host,
me

angry uterus Pictures, Images and Photos

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1 Response to “>A letter to my innards.”


  1. 1 athena September 2, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    >*thinking THICK thoughts!!*


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