>I’m just gonna complain for a teenie minute….

>I want another baby.

I have said all this before, but I am gonna say it again.

I am sad that I can’t just decide I want another baby, throw out the birth control, do the humpty dance, and a few weeks later find myself hurling up my Froot Loops.

I am sad that I have to go through medical procedures, and insurance fights, and people in white coats shoving things up my junk, and medications, and injections, and tests, and some more tests, and surgery and endless waiting rooms with endless out-of-date magazines with all the good recipes already ripped out.

I am sad that even if I put myself through all this crap, there is no guarantee it will even work. At which point I will have to put myself through all this crap all over again. At which point our finances will be seriously strained. And even THEN I still might not get pregnant.

At which point I will just have to accept that it is not meant to be.

Why is it so easy for some people, and so hard for others?

Some days – I am not sad. Some days I feel lucky that we live in a time where I can get the help I need. Some days I feel lucky that I have the one I have, and it is enough. Some days I realize that I am actually, well, a lucky infertile. Cause IVF worked on our first try – and I have 19 frozen embryos to try for a 2nd with. In the world of infertility, I am like – CRAZY lucky.

But, some days, like today…I feel bitter, and sad, and grumpy, and impatient, and worried, and stressed, and sorry for myself, and annoyed, and nervous, and cranky, and scared out of my mind. Oh my god, what if it doesn’t work?

I want another baby.

I make cute ones. See?



4 Responses to “>I’m just gonna complain for a teenie minute….”

  1. 1 Niksmom June 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    >You DO make cute ones. 😉 I wish I had a magic wand to wave for you to make it all work out. Since I don't…I hope hugs are at least a teensy bit helpful? I've got oodles of those.

  2. 2 MrsSpock June 11, 2010 at 12:44 am

    >Me too! Some days, when Mr S has a business trip, I wonder what the hell am I thinking, and can't imagine trying to put a toddler with bedtime issues to sleep plus care for a cranky infant. And then I have nightmares that our only child dies. Wish we could just pull the BC and have at it!

  3. 3 Photogrl June 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    >Nothing wrong with complaining!It still irks me that we have to "plan" when any of us want to have another baby…that it's not easy. It's not fair.*sigh*No doubt you make cute babies…they don't come much more adorable than that!

  4. 4 Ernie June 26, 2010 at 12:55 am

    >Oh my, that is such a cute baby picture! All of you pics on this blog are great.Yeah, nothing wrong with complaining a bit. It doesn't make sense that some people have to go through so much to create a family, and others can never make that happen. So very sad.Happy ICLW!

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