>Screw This Shit

>Ok, so.

Yea, weaning stuff is not going well at all. For me, or for Buster.

We cut out all nursing except the sleep ones, with no issue. But the sleep ones, oh the sleep ones.

He was becoming…I don’t know, disturbed? Very clingy and out of sorts, tantrum-ish. Not napping. Not able to go to sleep at night. And it was just breaking my heart to deny him something he SO wants. He would CLAW at my shirt, like desperate, yo – and maybe I am a wuss burger – but I couldn’t take it.

And yea, I know we have to deny our kids things – duh. Like if he was clawing at my shirt desperate for a snort of cocaine, well yea, I would deny him. *doh*

But this is comfort and love and warm momma milky, and something he has adored for 2 years, something he has relied on to help him sleep his WHOLE LIFE. Hard to say no. For realz. (I can’t stop saying that lately.) For realz.

After about the 6th time I had to leave the room to go sob into a pillow, I started thinking that perhaps, just maybe, I needed to start listening to that teenie tiny inner voice that was whispering “you may not be quite ready to do this, ding dong.”
And its true.

I am not quite ready to do this.

And this is so not how I wanted our beautiful nursing relationship to end, with tears and regrets and screams and heartbreak.

SO – we are shifting focus. Instead of concentrating on weaning – we are concentrating on teaching the Boo how to fall asleep without my nipple in his mouth.

Naptime today, I nursed him til he was nice and relaxed, but not asleep – then popped him off. He screamed for about 30 seconds, but then fell asleep in my arms.

Bedtime just now, I nursed him til he was nice and relaxed, but not asleep – then popped him off and called Daddy in. They listened to soft music and snuggled and lo and behold, the kid fell asleep in Daddy’s arms, and was transferred off to bed. (I said bed, not crib, don’t get too excited.)

I know we still will have to wean at some point in the near future. I know this, and I am sure it will still be a sticky situation. But I am HOPING that if he has gotten used to falling asleep with no boob in his pie hole – it will be a LITTLE less traumatic, a little more gentle. Like saying goodbye to a beloved bedtime friend, but not saying goodbye to his ONLY method of sleep.

I am thinking at some point, I will start shortening the length of the nursing. And start the “Nursy going night night, bye bye” talks. Getting him used to the idea?

Anyway – I feel way better about it this way. So many people said to me “just cut him off cold turkey. He’ll cry for a week but get over it”. It just doesn’t feel right that way.
So I am gonna have to do this my way. Even it takes me 8 times as long.
SO be it.

I love you, little man.



7 Responses to “>Screw This Shit”

  1. 1 Heather February 20, 2010 at 1:38 am

    >This is definitely one of those times where you don't listen to what anyone says (including me) and follow your heart. He is your child, this is between you two.

  2. 2 Niksmom February 20, 2010 at 1:45 am

    >I think you have to just trust your instincts and your heart on this one. They won't steer you wrong. And from the sound of it, it's working! YAY YOU! 🙂

  3. 3 Kelly February 20, 2010 at 3:54 am

    >Good for you! I've nursed five babies. I have so been at the place of being way ready to wean, but not really. It's hard. Trust your instinct and do what works for you and that little guy. If you do the one week bit, you are not a bad parent. If you decide to wait and self wean and he nurses until he's four, you are not a bad parent. So either way you win…he loves his mama and finds his comfort in you. That's what is important. Right now it's the milk, but eventually that will transfer to him just wanting mama even if there's no milk.

  4. 4 Beautiful Mess February 20, 2010 at 4:26 am

    >You're doing the right thing of it feels right to YOU! Good for you for listening to your voice! *HUGS*

  5. 5 Photogrl February 20, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    >It sounds like you are finding an in between stage, that will evolve when you and Buster need it to.It's a win-win for both of you.You're doing what you and he needs you to do.And that is what is important.Yay!

  6. 6 Capital Mom March 9, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    >I am thinking of weaning too and can't face it because I know my son will hate it. His sister was so easy to wean, I stopped offering and she didn't ask. I have been telling myself that if he is still asking I should go with it. at least for now.Good luck!

  7. 7 Cage Free Family March 12, 2010 at 5:39 am

    >I absolutely love the way you wrote about this intimate experience. I've been pregnant and/or nursing for 7 of the last 8 years and have been in some fairly desperate to wean mindsets, but the one time that I weaned against my heart's desire (because of pregnancy induced pain) it broke my heart. 7 months later it still does. It changed our relationship, and it changed my sweet girl.I applaud you for listening to your heart.

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