>Something to Chew On

>Another blogger participating in ICLW posted on a topic that I think about a lot….when an infertility blog becomes a Mommy blog….

Read it here. Excellent post. Really got me thinking.

As I commented to her…sometimes I am not sure I should even participate in ICLW. I am a parent now, the jagged wounds of my infertility are smoothing over. My blog started with new motherhood. Though I lost two and did IVF and wrote about it privately, I am only public now that I succeeded. I know that reading about the silly details of day to day life with a new baby is exceedingly painful for someone still battling infertility or waiting on adoption success. Especially if I complain about lack of sleep, or breastfeeding problems…I know when I was in the middle of IVF I would want to SMACK anyone who had the audacity to complain about motherhood….
So, what to do? I still feel connected to women who are struggling through infertility, but I in no way want to hurt anyone with my blog. If we ever decide to try for a second, I will again be going through treatments…but I already have a baby…is secondary infertility the same? I am not sure. I feel like I wont be quite as devastated if I cant have a second, because I hit the greatest jackpot of all time (in my mind anyway) when I got to have ONE baby. Which world will I fit into then? Do I automatically lose any right to support other women still struggling, because I crossed over? Is it enough that I put in my ICLW tag ‘new motherhood’, or is more warning necessary that this blog is about a baby? Am I unintentionally hurting other women? Is it ok to show that sometimes success DOES happen?
Aaaak, I am babbling. What do you all think?


10 Responses to “>Something to Chew On”

  1. 1 Ginny September 25, 2008 at 2:28 am

    >When I first signed up for ICLW, I didn't realize it was mainly fertility blogs. Since I have 2 kids, after visiting sites I started wondering if I should keep participating. Not sure what to do, especially seeing this topic coming up. I really enjoy finding new blogs & I have come across some great ones. I've also had some really wonderful comments through participating in this. I guess I will have to think about & try to read up on comments from various posts on this topic. One thing I like is the 3 words to describe your blog. I guess that would be an easy way to avoid blogs that would upset you.Your little boy is such a little doll by the way. I loved those exosaucer (sp?) things when mine were little. Every once in awhile I miss that age when I see little cuties like yours!

  2. 2 Topcat September 25, 2008 at 11:04 am

    >I totally get this … I had a LOT of guilt about it when I was pregnant. Then, you know, the Fiasco … made me realise, that whatever you have to blog about in your life … we are all people, living a human experience. People will read your blog, or not. If it is too hard for some, then they won’t, so try to not worry. You have paid your dues to infertility, anyway.But keep writing! You rock!XOX

  3. 3 MrsSpock September 25, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    >The nice thing about ICLW is that blogs will list if they are still in the throes of IF or parenting. Sometimes I click on an IF blog and think, “They are in a bad place”, and I don’t comment. They don’t need to see the baby ticker on my blog. Otherwise I do comment. The nice thing about having been there, is that we can be sensitive in commenting or not doing so.

  4. 4 Beautiful Mess September 25, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    >I struggled with joining ICLW as well. I was never diagnosed with infertility, but I did have 2 miscarriages and it took us 5 years to get pregnant with our son. I know the reasons why it is hard for me to get pregnant AND stay pregnant, so I never talked to my doc about it. I did email Mel about it because I did NOT want to offend anyone. I can’t say “I know what you’re going through” because I don’t. I can, however empathize with the struggles and the emotions. The response I got form my email was that I do in fact “belong” here. In my opinion, that would mean you have MORE “right” then I do. You KNOW exactly what these women are going through. You know the pain, emotionally AND physically. I hope this helps ease your mind a bit, sorry I completely went off on a ramble…Enjoy your day!-D*ICLW*

  5. 5 Michelle September 25, 2008 at 11:36 pm

    >I still do not have children and am currently saving money to have IVF. I have had 4 miscarriages but I do like to read about people who have been through it and have been successful. It gives me hope which is what I am so desperately in search of. On the bad days I just won’t read but for most days I want to read. I think it’s good for you to be a part of it because you have been through and come out on the other side. That is just my opinion but I hope it helps. ((HUGS))

  6. 6 Martha September 26, 2008 at 12:59 am

    >Thanks for your comment on my blog. You raise lots of great questions. I’m not IF’er but I’m the daughter of one and have worked as a maternal/child RN for years. I just try to be supportive and kind which you have in abundance!

  7. 7 kirke September 26, 2008 at 3:33 am

    >I like to read about the success stories…it helps me keep the faith. And I learn so much by reading everyone’s blogs, how else would I know what the expect? Just because you got your happy ending doesn’t mean you have to stop talking about the journey.

  8. 8 Photogrl September 26, 2008 at 3:42 am

    >I think that what makes ICLW great is that we are all in different places in our lives. Some are struggling for number one. Some, like me, are dealing with secondary IF. Others are adopting or on a break. Still, we all form a community. And I think that is a good thing. Don’t feel out of place…you’ve been nothing but supportive, and I really enjoy your humor.

  9. 9 theworms September 27, 2008 at 12:45 am

    >As a TTTC’er I like that ICLW has so many different types of blogs and I think you can choose which to visit so keep on doing it. I like the mommy blogs, especially after IF, it gives me hope.Your son is so cute 🙂

  10. 10 Cassandra September 28, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    >Some days I look at the ICLW list and skip the blogs that mention children, motherhood, pregnancy, etc. Some days I even skip secondary infertility because that means they have a child and some days I can’t handle hearing about kids. Other days I look at the whole list and am happy to see babies and belly shots.It might be different if you were a fertile Myrtle who conceived her child on the first try, but you are “one of us.” 🙂

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