>I’m a basketcase.

>We are transitioning the Boo man into his crib.

I can safely say this is one of the harder parenting trials I have gone through so far. Not because he is having any major difficulty…no siree…he is actually taking to it fairly well. Its because this means he will be asleep in another room. Far away from me. Where I cant see him or hear him. Where I cant put a hand on him to feel his chest rise and fall. Or stealthily smooch his cheek or run a finger over his downy head. OMG I just felt like vomiting right then, thinking about his downy head….I am losing it.
Boo Boo had some pretty severe acid reflux, and would grunt like a billygoat anytime he tried to sleep flat.
All. Night. Long.
It helped him a lot to sleep a bit upright. The pedi said no sleeping in the car seat…bad parent, bad bad. (something about low oxygen levels?) Whatevs. We tried raising his bassinet on one end. After an unfortunate incident where he slid down and I found him in a squeeshy ball at the bottom end turning blue…I naturally put the kibosh on the tilty bassinet. Next stop…bouncy chair. Magic, he slept like a dream for 6 or 7 hours. So, yes people, our son has slept in a vibrating bouncy chair IN our king sized bed for like 4 months.

(Ugh, he is so stinkin cute. All swaddled in his miracle blanket! Yum. I had to cut the bottom off cause he got too big. I actually get a pain when I look at his feet..some kind of love pain, I swear.)
Is this ideal? Hell no. But it was the best solution we could come up with to keep him safely upright, and maximize everyone’s chance for sleep. I am sure if anyone stumbles upon this blog, they are going to think we are the worst, or dumbest, parents in the history of parenting….but look, this is what worked for us ..so be it, and leave me alone.

Alas, the Boo is not a small dude, and he is now about 2 pounds away from exceeding the weight limit of the bouncy chair. (and his swing, bassinet, exersaucer, and jumpyroo dammit). SO, we really have no choice but to transition to crib. I bought a foam wedge to put under the sheet so he still a little upright. We started by getting him used to being unswaddled. (Why? Cause my anxiety levels would not allow him to be in another room AND swaddled, cause the swaddle starts sneaking up over his face and I am scared he will suffocate. Shut up, I know I am ridiculous, but I am a first time parent and seriously nervous.) Today I had him nap in his crib instead of swing. The morning nap was horrendous, it took him 2 HOURS of fussing and crying to finally settle enough to nap, and I had to partially swaddle him with one arm sticking out at the end of it. A compromise. Once he fell asleep he slept hard for at least 2 hours. Then for the afternoon nap, I one-arm swaddle him again, and this time it only took 30 minutes or so to soothe him out (lots of trips in to replace the paci.) And again, he slept hard for 2 hours. Woohoo! I could check on him online by webcam. All was good. Tonight…again with the one arm, and THIS time..it took about 20 minutes for him to drift off, and i only went in there to pop the paci into his gaping maw about 3 times. WOW!

HOWEVER, ITS DARK!!! OH CRAP!! NIGHT TIME IS DARK TIME AND WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT? I cant SEE him on the webcam, and I cant SEE him by peeking just in the doorway. I have to go all the way in the room to SEE him, and I have to put my hand on his chest
to check for breathing cause I cant SEE it! MY ANXIETY LEVELS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF! If I wasnt nursing I would be popping Xanax like tic tacs by now. I had a huge crying jag, and my chest hurts, and I feel pooey, and there is no way I am sleeping tonight, and I have tiptoed in there about 34 times, and my husband agrees that first thing tomorrow we are hauling our buns to Babies R US for a night vision monitor cause I am a maniac.



1 Response to “>I’m a basketcase.”

  1. 1 Christina August 24, 2008 at 2:40 am

    >This post reminds me of the beginning of the movie Terms of Endearment, when Aurora checks in on the baby to see if she’s breathing, and crawls over her almost into the crib and then wakes the baby up. So funny. I know you are not alone.

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