>I feel so pooey today, and I am not sure why? I feel maybe kind of depressed? Or maybe I am just tired.

I know we are so so so lucky to have Boo Boo…and I know how hard it was to get to this point. I went through an ectopic, methotrexate therapy, a second ectopic, surgery, then IVF…needles, needles needles, fear crying panic doubt sadness self loathing fear fear fear…then a very difficult pregnancy and early c-section…

resulting in a Boo Boo with a host of medical problems requiring twice or more a week hospital visits….

Maybe the stress of it all is just staring to sink in? I was in survival mode for a long time…and now, I have this healthy beautiful boy but I am like Aggggg. I need a nap. I dont know what I am doing. I am not sure I am a good Mother. I am not sure I could ever have a second one. I am not sure how my marriage is doing. Sometimes Boo Boo’s fussing makes me headachey. I dont like my body…its flabby and white and I have a deep purple scar that isnt cute.

What is wrong with me?

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